Remind Me...

Remind me...

1. To never go to Fred Meyer on "Senior Discount" Tuesdays.  The perfume (Jean Nate I assume), purple perms, and sound of adult diapers rustling is just too much to endure.  
2. To never drive near Everett during rush hour.  
3. To keep my head up.
4. To never watch IT again.  Seeing the clown takes at least 3 months of intense therapy to get over. 
5. That I can make you laugh.  It fuels me.
6. To never wear lipstick after not wearing it for months.  Due to inexperience it will end up on my teeth.  And no one will tell me.
7. To never let my dog Yuki roll around the grass in the nearby park.  She will coat herself in another dog's poop.  And it will stink.  And I will gag.
8. To not be so frickin' hard on myself.
9. That farting and blaming Sarah is not nice.
10. That TOOL is the best band in the world.  Oh wait, you don't have to remind me of that.
11. That if the lady at the liquor store starts calling me by name, I may be going there too often.  Time to buy in bulk.
12. That things happen for a reason.  Even if that reason is just to piss me off.
13. Not to be tricked into going into the bathroom after my hubby has spent more than 2 minutes in there.
14. That not every single piece of cheese needs to be eaten.  Leave some for others.
15. That "I just didn't feel like cleaning the house" is NOT a good enough excuse to get out of housework when you are unemployed.
16. Not everyone enjoys sarcasm.  Even though they should.
17. That life's a bitch and she's in heat.  (I totally stole that from They Live starring Roddy Piper)

Yuki vs The Snow

You'd think Yuki just snorted a line of coke with how hyper she is.  I swear, that's snow she's running in.  Make sure to listen to the video, she makes all sorts of weird grunts and exclamations.  WARNING: Cute overload.

A meeting of the minds...the Jonasson minds

An update to my previous blog: Happy Birthday (literally) to Kira. 

I have met this wonder little cherub.  I squeezed the beejesus out of her, in my mind of course, and fell in love.  I'm not quite sure how to describe her.  Perfect.  Ten little fingers.  Ten little toes.  One HUGE head of hair.  If my brother and his wife would have allowed it, I would have stuffed her, ever so gently, in my purse and taken her home with me.  She is one super cool little baby.

I think she might have been the first newborn I've ever held.  She was a trooper with my awkward movements.  "Support her head" my brother said.  Well duh, Reid.  I've seen "A Baby Story" on TLC.  I know what you're SUPPOSED to do.  But in the moment, I fobbled nervously and looked at DyLon for the "you're doing great" look.  Background knowledge: DyLon had a BAZILLION foster brothers and sisters growing up.  Plus he has a son.  Plus he's the oldest of 5 children.  Baby handling comes naturally to him.  The only thing I've ever held close to a newborn is pets.  And my husband.  Same thing, really.

When I was holding her I looked down and laughed at her hair.  "Are you wearing a wig?" I asked.  She looked at me and did something I will never forget.  Something that solidified she's a Jonasson for sure.  She farted.  Not just a short little toot, mind you.  It was a ginormous blast as if to say "lame joke Auntie Brooke, you'd better work on your humor until the next time I see you.  Now hand me to Daddy."

I love this little peach.  I can't wait until the next time she farts on me.

Happy Birthday (literally) Kira!

Last night at 10:30pm my brother Reid and his wife Heather welcomed their new baby girl (my niece), Kira, into the world.  Reid has dubbed her "the most beautiful girl in the world" and he couldn't be more accurate.  6 lbs 2 oz, 19 inches long with more hair than I've ever seen on a baby!  Words can't describe how happy everyone in our family is.  She is definitely the missing puzzle piece.  I haven't even met her yet (I've seen plenty of pics), but I love her.  And so does her "Unky" DyLon.  We can't wait to spoil her and give her cookies behind Mom and Dad's back.  Oh wait...they read this blog.  Scratch that.  Substitute "cookies behind Mom and Dad's back" to "vegetables, cheerios, and hugs."  And perhaps the occasional piece of cheese.  Come on now, she's a Jonasson, she'll want cheese as soon as she can gum it down her gullet. 
Happy Birthday Kira!  Welcome to our family!  I hope you like sarcasm, big noses, giant turds, and cheese; because that pretty much describes your Daddy's side of the family. 

Nice work Reid and Heather!  You done good.

Drumroll please....

WE GOT A DOG!!!!!!  Okay, I'm getting a little ahead of my story here, how about a little background info...
Most of my peeps know that I love animals.  Not only am I a card carrying vegetarian (I don't really have a card, it's just a saying...geesh), I watch Animal Cops religiously, and I donate to the Humane Society when my bookkeeper (husband holds the purse strings) tells me it's okay.  Saturday September 18th, I batted my eyelashes at DyLon and begged to go to the Noah Animal Center in Stanwood to donate a few bags of food and blankets.  I swear I had no intention of bringing a dog home.  Want to know what convinced us to adopt?  May I present Exhibit A:

'Nuf said.  End of story.  Look at that face!  SOLD!  Well, okay, not really "sold."  More like ADOPTED!
The story continues like this: After dropping off the donated items, we wandered into the dog pod area where they house all of the adoptable dogs.  There were some charmers!  A coon hound that needed a good nose scratch.  A large terrier mix with the biggest head I've ever seen (yes, larger than mine, if you can believe it.)  A few yippy yappers.  A black lab or two.  And then, our baby.  She was tucked in the corner of a pod with two pomeranians.  They must have been yacking her ear off because she was pretty buried in her bed.  It reminded me of when my Mom would yell at me as a youngster (and not so youngster) and I'd plug my ears and hum REAAALLLLYYY loudly. 
As soon as our dog saw me, she ran to the glass and looked me square in the eye.  I turned to DyLon and said "oh. my. god."  To which he replied "let's go look at the cats."  Harumph.  I knew I'd have to work on him.
So we went and looked at the cats.  DyLon fell in love with, oh, about 20 of them and started stuffing them into his pockets while singing "I'm going to love you and squeeze you and hug you forever!"  I may be embellishing a little, but you get the point.
As a multitude of kittens were checking out the lint in DyLon's pockets, I went back to the dog pod.  I couldn't get that sweet little face out of my head.  I talked with her through the glass and she seemed to pay attention to me - more than any creature ever has before.  An explanation?  I'm certain I was using my super high pitched eagle squealing baby voice that only a dog could hear.  But that doesn't matter, we were connected.
DyLon came back to the dog pod, sans kittens.  I'm sure the Volunteers had to search him for stowaways before letting him enter the pod.  Anyway, he saw me talking to the dog and said "you should take it for a walk."  Surprisingly enough, I said no.  I didn't want to get attached and then have to say good bye.  But he insisted.  So we took the dog for a walk and the rest, as they say, is history.  DyLon found his new best friend on that walk.  See Exhibit B:

Here's the stats: She's a she (duh, that's why I said "she"), spayed (the day before we adopted her), Shih Tzu and Poodle mix.  Yes, that's right.  We've got a Shitty Poo.  She's a year and a half and we've named her Yuki.  Why Yuki?  'Cause we're weird.  That's why.  Also because her name for the past year and a half was Snowflake.  GAG! BARF! HURL!  Yuki is snow in Japanese.  DyLon spent many of his formative years in Japan - so it all ties together.  We were going to name her Lucy because she TOTALLY looks like a Lucy, but it wasn't original enough for us. 
Yuki has the best personality.  She loves to be pet, loves to head butt ankles, loves to throw the ball to herself, and can "sit pretty" on command - as long as there are treats involved.  What does she hate?  Car rides.  Crates.  Car rides.  Strangers. And more card rides.  Hopefully we can teach her that riding in the car isn't so bad.  It'll take some time though.

So that's it, in a nutshell.  We couldn't be happier.  She adds such positive energy to our household.  I hope she likes living with us, because we wouldn't give her up for anything in the world!

I must donate a paragraph of my blog to tell you about the Noah Center. What an awesome place it is.  They have a "no pressure" atmosphere and assign "matchmakers" to people looking for animals.  They save the animals from local shelters that are about to be euthanized.  Poor Yuki was at the Everett Animal Shelter about to be nixed all because her previous owners didn't want her anymore.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??  Freaks.  Thank goodness Noah stepped in and saved her.  We are forever grateful.  You should check them out, they seriously rule. http://www.thenoahcenter.org/ 

I will now leave you with some eye candy.  I know, I know, you are all jealous.  :)  Well come for a visit and meet her!  She'll get to know you as soon as she head butts your ankles.  I'm not kidding.  It's kinda her thing.

Urban Hike in Ghettosville

It's no secret, I don't like the city I live in, Marysville.  I know what you're saying "why don't you move then, Dumbass?"  Well, Marysville just so happens to be placed smack dab between Seattle (where I work) and Bellingham (where my husband works).  And by the way, it's not nice to call people a dumbass.  Okay?
So yeah, we're pretty much stuck until one of us mandates a move...which may not be as far off as I think it is.  But until we relocate, it's my civic duty to make Marysville bearable.  And how do I make light of any situation?  By humor of course!  Nature's defense mechanism.
This is where my Urban Hike in Ghettosville comes in.  I'm sort of on a health kick, as of late, since my scale screamed last time I got on it and said "oh no you didn't!"  More exercise is necessary, you know, besides moving from couch to couch and Wii Olympics.  So I've been walking a few miles every other day.  On my walks, I would see the oddest oddities this side of the oddest river.  Too bad it took me half a dozen walks and tons of "what the f*ck is that" statements before I took my camera with me.  So come take a journey with me in one of the grossest towns in Washington.  OCDers beware, these pics are certain to trigger your need for hand sanitizer.

Somewhere, there's a naked taco.

An attempt at humor. "Take the espresso lane to work." Har. Har.

This house has a BAZILLION garden statues.  There's a mermaid, an owl, a Venus, an orb. Etc.

 

Somewhere, there's a baby with half a binky and a mother that hasn't noticed.

Um, palm trees in Washington?  Okay...

Yeah, I stroked it. 

A bag of meth.  At a park, nonetheless.

Meth kills bees dead.

Marysvillians take pride in their garage sale signage. 

Somewhere, there's an empty slot machine.

A phonetically correct malt beverage.

Meth makes houses crooked.

Damn thing was empty.

The chaser.

It would have been cool if it was real.

Yep.  It's a steak knife.  Right in front of a school.  Sigh.

So that's what I gathered in a 24 hour period.  Next time, I will bring my video camera.  I get a lot of "woohoos" and "yeehaws" from passerbys.  Typically I'd be flattered if it wasn't yelled from the back of an old Ford truck with a confederate flag waving.

Until next time, Ghettosville.

Dearest Blog...

Dearest Blog,

I know that I have been ignoring you. Thank you for your "reminder" email about keeping my blog abreast of the daily happenings of Brooke. Must I remind you though that I have "opted-out" of such reminders. If I receive another in the future I shall take legal action. Which I haven't exactly figured out what that entails yet since you are the bastard child of my imagination. But that's neither here nor there.

Anywho...gonna go blog now, so you stop harassing me.

Love,

Brooke

New Obsessions

I think most of my friends will agree, I'm pretty impulsive.  I change my mind constantly and have new obsessions everyday.  I think being impulsive is good; it keeps life spontaneous and fresh, like new sheets on the bed.  The following are my new obsessions as of late...

I know.  It's totally nerdy of me to like a ninetendo game.  I blame my brother.  When we were young, my parents let us go to Critics Choice Video Rental and get two movies.  Well my brother always bullied me into renting a game instead of a movie.  We'd sit for HOURS and play.  Well, actually, my brother would play for hours and I would watch.  Hey, there was nothing better to do in Sammamish at the time...except make make-shift napalms...but that's a story for another time.  I remember, specifically, playing Bubble Bobble with Reid and beating the game.  What a great day that was.  And level 57 SUCKED!  But we did it together and we had a blast.  Ah...the good old days.

Dare I say it?  I'm officially a housewife.  Not a desperate one though, just a frugal one.  Every Sunday morning I get up bright and early and get a newspaper.  Nope, I don't get it for the comics (okay, maybe that's an added bonus) I get it for the awesome coupons.  Why oh why didn't I discover this sooner?  I save an average of $8 a trip on groceries because of my coupons.  I seriously think it's the only thing in my life that I organize.  I love it.  Saving money rules. 

Okay, so this isn't a new obsession of mine.  It's an oldie but goodie.  I love love love rabbits.  And I especially love love love angora rabbits.  So frickin' cute.  So frickin' cuddly.  So frickin' allergy inducing.  I want to squeeze the beejesus out of them every time I see them.  But I don't, because that would be mean.  Serioulsy though, don't you just want to give it the biggest hug?  I get hyper every time I see them.  DyLon has promised me, one day, we'll have bunnies.  As many as I want.  I can't wait...

This is the best soup ever.  It's tangy and delicious.  And it's my new BFF.

I'm a sucker for charities.  If I get a letter in the mail requesting money (from a legitimate charity) I'll send them $10.  That's my minimum.  I won't tell you what my maximum is because DyLon reads this blog and I don't want him to freak out.  Don't worry babe, I don't give more than we can afford.  It's super important to give and I encourage all of my friends to do it.  Give what you can.  Any amount helps.  Even better, donate your time.

House Finches have stolen my heart.  We've got a flock of them currently living in our yard.  They flirt with each other and bounce off of each other like bumper cars.  Thanks to my good friend Jen, I have a new obsession with birds.  So cute.  So precious.  So sincere.  And yes, I just want to squeeze the beejesus out of them too.  But that would make me a bad vegetarian, now wouldn't it?

I eat loads of this.  Sometimes it's all I have for dinner.  I cook it with a bit of garlic and butter.  It's got tons of fiber so it keeps things moving, if you know what I mean.  Plus, it's an awesome source of iron.


 
So there you have it.  My new-ish obsessions.  Now I must go play some ninetendo for charity while eating broccoli soup and spinach with a house finch on my shoulder, bunny at my feet, and coupons organized.  I'm a busy lady...

Animals go broke too...

I just found out that the nocturnal house at the Woodland Park Zoo is closing.  WTF I say!  W.T.F! 
I love the nocturnal house.  I remember in high school calling it the "nocturnal emissions house" because I'm pretty sure I knew a girl that got preggers in there.  Hey, underage teenagers had to go somewhere to do it...why not the zoo?  Okay, that's gross, and not really true.  At least, it wasn't true for me.  But I digress.

I have a slew of favorites at the exhibit...the armadillo, the two toed sloth, the springaas (pictured at the right).  Some of them get to stay in other exhibits at the zoo, but not all of them.  It makes me sad to think they are breaking up groups of friends and lifelong buddies.  I know what you're thinking right now..."Brooke, you're being sensitive, this isn't like you."  Well I can have a heart today folks.  And it's breaking.  I love the nocturnal house.  Well...loved the nocturnal house.
So why is it closing?  The economy.  Apparently animals go broke too.
So long nocturnal house...