*Warning* The following contains a real life account of a gross bodily function. If you are pregnant, have heart problems, or don't like boogies, feel free to exit . If you think this post will be anything other than ooey or gooey, it's snot.
Something must be said for the amount of snot my nose releases while I'm running. I'm not sure if there's an on/off button I can push before I start that will stop the flow of ooze, or if I'm doomed to leak a gallon each run.
On Monday I ran in the brisk outdoors. You know the kind of weather; the kind that makes you say out loud "holy frickin' christ!!" and then your nose faucet turns on. Had I know what my nose had in store, I would have opted to run inside on the darn dreadmil. Thankfully I had on a pair of those cheapy little knit gloves you get at Target. They are surprisingly absorbent and soft on the nose. Which brings me to an invention idea. Invention Submission Corporation take note: knit gloves of different absorbency. They would act much like a tampon or pad would (I know...this is where the boys reading this bail out) while providing warmth to your hands and a place to stash your snot. You could have light absorbency, super absorbency, and super plus absorbency - depending on the coldness of the weather. On Monday, it was a heavy flow day - I was in need of a super plus glove. On Tuesday I smartened up and carried a slurry of kleenexes with me - but those obliterated after one honk of the nose. And if you've seen my nose, you know its capable of some huge honks. I'll thank my father for that one...
Sidebar note: I bet the person that coined the phrase "the great outdoors" wasn't training for a half marathon in January.
On to less of a liquid topic. I took Heather's advice and used my inhaler for the first time 15 minutes before my run. Genius. Pure genius. Worked like a charm. Now my lungs don't feel like they have reached maximum capacity.
Milestone number one has been demolished (lung capacity). Now onto demolishing milestone number two (boredom). I've made a purchase recently that will help me track my mileage and hopefully keep me entertained while running. Here it is: http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-Forerunner-Receiver-Heart-Monitor/dp/B000CSWCQA/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1232570848&sr=8-1
You know, in hindsight, I wonder if this gadget will help to entertain me. I have a feeling it'll piss me off more that anything. "What the hell do you mean all I did was run .10 of a mile? I swear I ran at least a mile. Stupid hunk of junk!"
Brooke vs. the GPS watch. I smell a Lifetime movie!!!! I wonder which washed up actress they would hire to play me. Claire Danes? Lisa Kudrow? Bea Arthur? Really, it's anyone's guess.
Well tonight is my night of rest. Thank god. My body is sore and I've got a hankering for happy hour.
Peace.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Half Marathon Training and Complaints- Week 1
So I've made the decision to train for the Rock 'n' Roll half marathon on June 27th, 2009. Check it out here: http://www.rnrseattle.com/ What helped me to make the decision to run a half marathon? I'm totally beyond flippin' crazy. I also must give a blameful honorable mention to my sister-in-law Heather for being crazier than I am (she's running the FULL marathon) and convincing me that "I can do it!", and to my brother Reid for giving in and running too, and for the sharp cheddar cheese that keeps me at an unhappy dress size. Ah...the power of cheese.
The training for week 1 was seemingly easy-peasy. After all, I've been playing soccer at least once a week for the past 3 years and working out at least once a week on top of that. How hard could it be?
Hard.
Monday and Tuesday I ran for 15 minutes. Thursday I ran for 20 minutes. Sunday I ran for 2.5 miles. I ran into one little blip on Sunday when in the middle of my run, nature called in a big way. I think it was a long distance call... I had to pause regularly scheduled programming and make a bee line for the restroom. I know...too much information.
Back to the training...
15 mins, 20 mins, 2.5 miles sounds reasonable and easy right? Well, I'm running (pun INTENDED) into 2 MAJOR roadblocks. 1) When I was a youngster I was stupid enough to smoke. I believe smoking majorly f'ed up my lungs and made breathing while running impossible and 2) Boredom. At my gym the treadmills face a white wall that says "Please wipe your stations after use." There's only so many times you can read that before you want to up the treadmill speed to maximum and fling yourself off the back. "Whoops, sorry gym patron, didn't mean to fly into you, I was experiencing extreme boredom. It will probably happen again."
I found myself thinking of very odd things during my boredom state:
A Hall and Oates and Kenny G tour. Triple threat. Awesome.
Did the guy next to me just fart? It sure smells and tastes like he did.
If I licked the treadmill handle, I bet I'd get the plague...and herpes.
If I run 5 extra minutes, I could eat a slice of sharp cheddar and not feel TOO guilty.
The skinny beeotch on the elliptical machine needs to eat more cheese and stop moving like she's got a ginormous stick in her bum. In my head I will now refer to her as "Butt Stick Broad."
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not even considering quitting, I'm just complaining. In fact, for some weird reason I find myself even more motivated to keep at it. I know I can do this, I just have to remain positive and maybe get a prescription for a mood stabilizer.
Goals for week 2: 1) Start using my inhaler and quit complaining about my lungs. 2) Make Butt Stick Broad smile. 3) Run outside.
I can do it. Heather says so.
Peace.
The training for week 1 was seemingly easy-peasy. After all, I've been playing soccer at least once a week for the past 3 years and working out at least once a week on top of that. How hard could it be?
Hard.
Monday and Tuesday I ran for 15 minutes. Thursday I ran for 20 minutes. Sunday I ran for 2.5 miles. I ran into one little blip on Sunday when in the middle of my run, nature called in a big way. I think it was a long distance call... I had to pause regularly scheduled programming and make a bee line for the restroom. I know...too much information.
Back to the training...
15 mins, 20 mins, 2.5 miles sounds reasonable and easy right? Well, I'm running (pun INTENDED) into 2 MAJOR roadblocks. 1) When I was a youngster I was stupid enough to smoke. I believe smoking majorly f'ed up my lungs and made breathing while running impossible and 2) Boredom. At my gym the treadmills face a white wall that says "Please wipe your stations after use." There's only so many times you can read that before you want to up the treadmill speed to maximum and fling yourself off the back. "Whoops, sorry gym patron, didn't mean to fly into you, I was experiencing extreme boredom. It will probably happen again."
I found myself thinking of very odd things during my boredom state:
A Hall and Oates and Kenny G tour. Triple threat. Awesome.
Did the guy next to me just fart? It sure smells and tastes like he did.
If I licked the treadmill handle, I bet I'd get the plague...and herpes.
If I run 5 extra minutes, I could eat a slice of sharp cheddar and not feel TOO guilty.
The skinny beeotch on the elliptical machine needs to eat more cheese and stop moving like she's got a ginormous stick in her bum. In my head I will now refer to her as "Butt Stick Broad."
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not even considering quitting, I'm just complaining. In fact, for some weird reason I find myself even more motivated to keep at it. I know I can do this, I just have to remain positive and maybe get a prescription for a mood stabilizer.
Goals for week 2: 1) Start using my inhaler and quit complaining about my lungs. 2) Make Butt Stick Broad smile. 3) Run outside.
I can do it. Heather says so.
Peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
