Don't Hassel The Hoff

Lately I've been suffering from a severe case of "I-got-nothing." I sit down to blog and my mind goes blank.
It's like what used to happen to me in algebra class, except there's no one sitting next to me to cheat off of.

Sidebar note: Yes, I used to cheat in Math. I was one of those people that you had to shield your test from. I'm not proud of that fact. Not proud in the slightest. Can we chalk it up to adolescent idiotness? Or have I used that excuse WAAAYYYYY too many times? Meh. Who cares. I'm a successful person now, even though I have no idea what X + Y equals. Big whoop.

End sidebar note.


Then inspiration hit me. There I was, in a secondhand bookstore, perusing through ratted copies of vegetarian cookbooks and Ventriloquism For Dummies, when I saw it. The must-have holy grail of books...

 I HAD to have it. Thankfully it was marked down from $24.95 to $3. Yes, that's right, I bought David Hasselhoff's Autobiography for a measly $3. Just between me and you, I would have paid at least $6.50.

So now my little friends, I'm in the process of reading this masterpiece. It took me about 30 pages of reading before I stopped thinking about the hamburger on the bathroom floor incident. Once I got over that hurdle, I could retain more Hoffage and really delve into The Hoff's character.
Did you  know that The Hoff is in The Guinness Book of World Records for being the most watched actor on TV? It's true. At least, that's what it says in his book.

I know, you're DYING for a nugget from the book. I aim to please. Here you go. BTW, you're welcome in advance...

It was a lonely experience but the loneliness was internal; even when I was surrounded by other people, I felt as though I was alone.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Hoff is a sensitive man. My jaw is still dropping. I can't possibly read any more today or my head will explode.
 

I'll report back with other nuggets as I read on.  Until then, enjoy this: