BB can mean a lot of things. "Breaking Bad", which is one of my favorite TV shows. Bumble bee. Beautiful Brooke. Beavis & Butthead. The options are endless. In this blog's case, BB means Breaking Butt. Somehow, someway, Z coerced his way into being the owner of a co2 charged BB gun. I'm pretty sure it's illegal for a 13 year old to own a BB gun. But in Montana, where Z is from, 4 year olds are packing BB heat.
Let's make this long and confusing story short. My soon-to-be husband got shot right in the bum. It reminds me of the scene in "Forrest Gump" where Forrest claims something "jumped up and bit me!" That "something" was later determined to be a bullet.
This whole incident though is seemingly less heroic - I don't think DyLon got shot while saving any one's life. But perhaps I'm wrong...
But I digress. My DyLonster now has a wound right on his keister. And believe you me, I ain't kissing that booboo to make it feel better.
Oh, lookey there, there's another BB word. Booboo.
I'm going to chalk this episode up as misjudgement. We all make mistakes. It happens. I make mistakes all the time. I just typically don't hurt people in the process.
And if I see that damn gun pointed in my direction, I will be covering my buns and heading for the hills.
Peace and gun control.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Endless
I think the best word to describe having a stepson is "endless." There are endless amounts of laundry to do, sh*t to clean, lessons to teach, swear words to muffle, and fun. I know, "fun" threw you off, didn't it? Throws me off too. For the most part Z is well behaved. He's finally growing out of his destructo phase. I was telling my friends before he came that if he was a transformer, his name would be "Destructor." Thank god that's not the case. He's not as destructive as once believed.
We've had a good week so far - with a few minor blips. Did you know that when DyLon and I aren't looking its okay to take fireworks and set them off? Even though it's 2 weeks after the fourth of July? Yeah, I didn't know that either until Z told me. I'm calling bullsh*t on that one. Did you know that chores are for me and DyLon to do only? Yeah, I didn't know that one either. I'm calling bullsh*t on that one too. Oh, and did you know that small lies are okay as long as they don't manifest into big lies? Yeah...bullsh*t again.
Really though, other than uncleanliness, the occasional lie, and an odd obsession with fire, this week has been fun. Z and I set up my super old 16- bit Nintendo. We played Super Mario Bros 3 until we started calling each other "Mario" and "Luigi." It was at that point I decided we needed to stop being nerds and go outside for an hour. Then we went back in and started playing Nintendo again. And I have no problem telling you that I kicked a 13 year olds ass. He didn't have a chance in hell of beating me. I used to be the Nintendo princess. My brother, was of course, the Nintendo King. I could never obtain his level of Nintendo royalty.
Z and DyLon are camping this weekend. Guess what they left me? A whole pile of dishes in the sink. Isn't that nice of them? I should repay them somehow...but I'm not sure how. Perhaps I should just leave the dishes until they start growing penicillin. Meh, who am I kidding, I'll do them. And I'll probably like it too. Nobody does dishes quite like I do. I'll admit it, I'm one of those OCD types that insists on rinsing before putting them in the dishwasher. I'm usualy a big environmental Nazi - I insist everything be recycled and water saved. Except when it comes to the pre-rinse. F*ck the environment. I want clean dishes.
So they are camping and I'm stuck at home doing wedding crap. I call bullsh*t. But thank god Miriam came up and took me out to lunch. She saved me from wedding planning hell for 2 hours. Now I'm back at it...well, not right this second, but will be as soon as I hit "post."
Here are some quotes from the week to leave you with an idea of how this week went for me:
"How do I fold clothes?"
"I DID use shampoo, you just can't tell."
"I gotta take a dump."
"Do I need to put on clean underwear?"
"Papa's farts smell like something died."
Okay, back to wedding planning.
Peace.
We've had a good week so far - with a few minor blips. Did you know that when DyLon and I aren't looking its okay to take fireworks and set them off? Even though it's 2 weeks after the fourth of July? Yeah, I didn't know that either until Z told me. I'm calling bullsh*t on that one. Did you know that chores are for me and DyLon to do only? Yeah, I didn't know that one either. I'm calling bullsh*t on that one too. Oh, and did you know that small lies are okay as long as they don't manifest into big lies? Yeah...bullsh*t again.
Really though, other than uncleanliness, the occasional lie, and an odd obsession with fire, this week has been fun. Z and I set up my super old 16- bit Nintendo. We played Super Mario Bros 3 until we started calling each other "Mario" and "Luigi." It was at that point I decided we needed to stop being nerds and go outside for an hour. Then we went back in and started playing Nintendo again. And I have no problem telling you that I kicked a 13 year olds ass. He didn't have a chance in hell of beating me. I used to be the Nintendo princess. My brother, was of course, the Nintendo King. I could never obtain his level of Nintendo royalty.
Z and DyLon are camping this weekend. Guess what they left me? A whole pile of dishes in the sink. Isn't that nice of them? I should repay them somehow...but I'm not sure how. Perhaps I should just leave the dishes until they start growing penicillin. Meh, who am I kidding, I'll do them. And I'll probably like it too. Nobody does dishes quite like I do. I'll admit it, I'm one of those OCD types that insists on rinsing before putting them in the dishwasher. I'm usualy a big environmental Nazi - I insist everything be recycled and water saved. Except when it comes to the pre-rinse. F*ck the environment. I want clean dishes.
So they are camping and I'm stuck at home doing wedding crap. I call bullsh*t. But thank god Miriam came up and took me out to lunch. She saved me from wedding planning hell for 2 hours. Now I'm back at it...well, not right this second, but will be as soon as I hit "post."
Here are some quotes from the week to leave you with an idea of how this week went for me:
"How do I fold clothes?"
"I DID use shampoo, you just can't tell."
"I gotta take a dump."
"Do I need to put on clean underwear?"
"Papa's farts smell like something died."
Okay, back to wedding planning.
Peace.
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