Life's Lessons: A Runners Reflection of Sorts

So yeah, I totally rule. I ran around Greenlake twice on Friday WITHOUT stopping. That's 5.6 miles, ya know. I only needed to run 4.5 miles, but I was feeling ambitious. So I just went for it.


Afterwards I pretty much died. My hips started to cramp, I felt a poop coming on, and I thought I might faint. Note to self: probably a good idea to eat a Powerbar before running long distances.


So, while I was running, I was trying to keep my mind occupied. I was having all these flashbacks to my childhood - which is weird because usually I try to forget about my pathetic existence as an adolescent. Too much awkwardness...too many shoulder pads...too much Kirk Cameron.


Things I have learned from childhood:

• Brush your teeth for at least 2 minutes
• Don't slam the car door
• Wear your raincoat, even if it's not raining
• Wipe front to back (never veer from this...trust me)
• Do not dump a boot full of sand in your eye
• Dad's suppositories are not mini bombs meant to be jumped on
• You break it, you buy it with your allowance
• No matter how many strangers you grab and call "Mom", they will won't take you home
• Dad's forget their daughters at gymnastics - it's totally normal
• Sugar is the root of all evil, but don't mention that to Mom when she's eating M&Ms
• Faking running away is not really a good way to get attention - you'll just get mad when you hear rejoicing
• Wooden spoons are good butt whackers
• It's totally not okay to put a piece of raw chicken under Dad's pillow
• Parents have favorites - if they haven't told you it's you, it's your brother. Good job Reid.
• Technically money does grow on trees because it's paper, but not on any tree that my parents own
• Even if it makes you barf, you must eat all of your fish soup that Mom made - making barf faces at your brother in the process is optional
• Do NOT order a pizza to a neighbor's house from a place that has a long distance telephone number
• While Dad's hair might look pretty in barrettes, do not tell his friends he let you decorate him
• You must scream "OW!" before your brother hits you
• Peas are Power Pellets and you totally rule if you can eat them faster than your gargantuan brother
• Michael Jackson will always be scary, no matter what year it is
• The love your parents have for you will last a lifetime and if necessary is able to move mountains to keep you safe
• Mom's jeans will always be too short and Dad will always match his sweatshirt to his sweatpants
  

So what does all of this have to do with running? Nothing much. Only that it is the type of nonsense that enters my head while attempting to run my cheesy arse off. Just imagine all the things I didn't share here because they are too weird...it's a crazy and scary world I live in.

On another note, I think I am being targeted by terrorists. Terrorists in the shape of birds. I was running yesterday around Fremont and I got pooped on. Right on top of my head. You have to be a pretty skilled bird to blast one on a moving target. I think this bird went to terrorist school. The School of Hard Drops. Maybe this is all the motivation I need to run faster.

Peace.