Snot

*Warning* The following contains a real life account of a gross bodily function. If you are pregnant, have heart problems, or don't like boogies, feel free to exit . If you think this post will be anything other than ooey or gooey, it's snot.



Something must be said for the amount of snot my nose releases while I'm running. I'm not sure if there's an on/off button I can push before I start that will stop the flow of ooze, or if I'm doomed to leak a gallon each run.

On Monday I ran in the brisk outdoors. You know the kind of weather; the kind that makes you say out loud "holy frickin' christ!!" and then your nose faucet turns on. Had I know what my nose had in store, I would have opted to run inside on the darn dreadmil. Thankfully I had on a pair of those cheapy little knit gloves you get at Target. They are surprisingly absorbent and soft on the nose. Which brings me to an invention idea. Invention Submission Corporation take note: knit gloves of different absorbency. They would act much like a tampon or pad would (I know...this is where the boys reading this bail out) while providing warmth to your hands and a place to stash your snot. You could have light absorbency, super absorbency, and super plus absorbency - depending on the coldness of the weather. On Monday, it was a heavy flow day - I was in need of a super plus glove. On Tuesday I smartened up and carried a slurry of kleenexes with me - but those obliterated after one honk of the nose. And if you've seen my nose, you know its capable of some huge honks. I'll thank my father for that one...

Sidebar note: I bet the person that coined the phrase "the great outdoors" wasn't training for a half marathon in January.

On to less of a liquid topic. I took Heather's advice and used my inhaler for the first time 15 minutes before my run. Genius. Pure genius. Worked like a charm. Now my lungs don't feel like they have reached maximum capacity.

Milestone number one has been demolished (lung capacity). Now onto demolishing milestone number two (boredom). I've made a purchase recently that will help me track my mileage and hopefully keep me entertained while running. Here it is: http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-Forerunner-Receiver-Heart-Monitor/dp/B000CSWCQA/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1232570848&sr=8-1

You know, in hindsight, I wonder if this gadget will help to entertain me. I have a feeling it'll piss me off more that anything. "What the hell do you mean all I did was run .10 of a mile? I swear I ran at least a mile. Stupid hunk of junk!"

Brooke vs. the GPS watch. I smell a Lifetime movie!!!! I wonder which washed up actress they would hire to play me. Claire Danes? Lisa Kudrow? Bea Arthur? Really, it's anyone's guess.

Well tonight is my night of rest. Thank god. My body is sore and I've got a hankering for happy hour.

Peace.